Journal Entry-Perception
Description
Context: This is a conversation between my best friend and me concerning his new girlfriend about going out for a combined date with other young couple friends, on Valentine’s Day. He is a conservative person who does not like to conform to the prevailing fashions and trends in society. When he first met her, he thought they had this characteristic in common. It turned out to be a wrong judgment on his part.
Interaction: His girlfriend insists that they go out together with couple friends, who he doesn’t know, and ‘have fun’ on Valentine’s Day. As a result, my friend thinks this and many similar incidents are the reason why there is so much tension in the relationship. I told him to think of what his obstinacy will do to them if he intends to marry and live with her in future.
Analysis:
CAUSAL ATTRIBUTION THEORY: This theory explains three reasons why people behave as they do; one’s circumstances, stimulus or their individuality (Beebe, Beebe and Mark 70).
Using the causal attribution theory, the reason why my friend refuses to accompany his new girlfriend on Valentine’s Day is that he simply does not find any logic in doing so. Having been friends with him for long, I know my best friend’s personality as stemming from that fact that he has grown up not being shown to appreciate the value of such events. Thus, my advice to him was based on my perception of him as someone who is in need of changing from living a hermit’s life to one that is social even in relationships with others. Based on this perception, it is my belief that the cause of his refusal to go with her is his nature as an antisocial person. The causal attribution behavior theory states that since I attribute my friend’s quality of being antisocial, it thus implies that when interacting with him, I will always attribute this to his methods of handling his relationship with his girlfriend.
Journal Entry- Conflict’
Description
Context: Two years ago during winter, my sister and I had booked into a motel (in which we would remain for two weeks) and were given a room in which only one of the bed was close to the window with a nice view of the mountains in the area.
Interaction: We argued over who should take which bed. After a while, I decided to come up with the suggestion that we toss a coin and whoever wins should take the bed for the first week, and then allow the other to take it the second week.
Analysis:
COMPROMISE: This concept focuses on trying to settle for a middle ground in resolving a conflict, by accepting a win/lose situation for both partners (Beebe, Beebe and Mark 235).
My decision applies concept of compromise by finding a way for both my sister and me to benefit from the advantages of having the bed by the window. The idea according to the compromise method is to merge my needs and the needs of my sister and then we come to some sort of agreement concerning the argument. It also states that, using this method, none of us will gain fully from our agreement to share the bed among the two weeks, since it is agreed that we cannot have it at the same time. During the first week, my sister is the winner, but during the second week, I am the winner. It also is a fact from using this concept that compromise points out that none of us has more rights to the bed than the other. The acceptance of the agreement to toss the coin alone means that both of us have resolved to let go of the pleasure of the favorite bed for a week each. If we had not done so, we would reach a standstill, and the urgency of the matter makes us choose this means to get it over with.
COMPETITION: This concept of conflict management is to the effect that only one of the partners in a conflict wins, while the other ultimately loses, meaning one person gains at the expense of the other (Beebe, Beebe and Mark 234).
If my sister and I had not opted for the compromise method, the competition method would have come into play. That is, it would have been a confrontational argument between her and me until whoever won takes the bed. The winner would in turn have caused total displeasure to the loser, since it would have meant one of us would not enjoy the view of the mountains for the entire period of our stay. This would probably have led to more fights during the two-week holiday in that motel. The competition theory also has an explanation of the kind of outcomes that result, such as threats of breaking relationships. In our case, had we used the competition method, we would more likely than not been drawn apart from each other. But if it was a different situation such as to make my approach to the conflict more appropriate, I would probably have used the competition concept to resolve the conflict. Say for instance I had gone to the motel as a photographer and needed to have a clear view of the mountains at all times. In that case, I would apply the competition theory to insist on having the bed by the window.
Journal Entry- Challenges in a Relationship
Description
Context: A conversation between my close cousin, who is married to a saleswoman in a large shop that sells menswear, and myself. The two have been together for a year.
Interaction: My cousin claims that every time he visits his wife in her office, she is always flattering with the clients and being asked out for lunch or dinner. He said he was getting concerned that sometimes she comes home late and he suspects that she is usually out with some of these clients. He was considering telling her to quit her job. I told him to consider the implications of that, since they have a child and my cousin’s job was unstable as he was likely to be retrenched due to a recent company decision to downsize.
Analysis:
JEALOUSY: This is a reaction to a situation whereby one feels threatened to lose a cherished relationship (Beebe, Beebe and Mark 293).
According to the jealousy theory, jealousy is shown by my cousin in the form of his thinking, our feelings towards his wife, and his mannerisms. His suspicions about her faithfulness are based on his presumed notion of the kind of clients she deals with, who are all men. As a saleswoman, she is obviously expected to be nice to the customers including to some extent those who try to seduce her. Using the jealousy concept, it is possible that he feels that their relationship is threatened by the likelihood of his job insecurity, and that she might be one of those who abandon their husbands once they fail to earn any source of income. To this level, this raises both some cognitive and affective jealousy. The signs of it are that he now suspects her of infidelity, that she at times comes home late thus losing more time with her and that she condones other men flattering her.
COMMUNICATION THAT HURTS OTHER’S FEELINGS
This is where partners in a relationship through insults, negative criticism, sarcasm, ethnic attack or such other means, use emotive language to downplay the other person’s self-esteem (Beebe, Beebe and Mark 292).
The idea of him telling his wife to quit her job on the basis of her tendencies may bring about a form of communication which hurts her feelings. In as much as my cousin does not intend to hurt his wife, and whether his suspicions are true or not, this concept states that the using inappropriate language to solve a problem in a relationship leads to further tension. Her response to such a proposition would probably be a sort of counter-attack on his intrusion to her work life and her hard work to make a living while he is on the brink of losing his job. Even asking her of her whereabouts in the days that she comes home late may send the wrong message to her. Thus, my advice must have been a result of the possibility that he may be leading the relationship in the wrong direction through his communication style. He may be right in his suspicions, but he may have to go at it using a different communication method.
OBSESSIVE RELATIONAL INTRUSION AND STALKING
This involves constantly invading a partner’s privacy in the attempt of seeking an intimate relationship as well as frequent and annoying intrusions into your partner’s life and therefore causing a sense of insecurity and fear by the partner (Beebe, Beebe and Mark 294).
The concept of stalking is applicable in the above interaction in that my cousin’s constant visits to his wife’s workplace may send the signal that he feels she is not attracted to her anymore as before. It is also to the effect that she will perceive him to be intruding with her personal space through constant uninvited visits to her workplace, which is very irritating at times. At my cousin’s level, we can say that this obsessive behavior of intruding with his wife’s occupation has reached the stage of causing fears about her personal safety.
Works Cited
Beebe Steven, Beebe Susan and Mark Redmond. Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others, 6th ed. Texas: Pearson. 2011. Print